The Scarlet H: And Why I am Proud to Wear It

I am going to try my best not to turn this note into a rant. However, I have been very good at expressing my feelings and opinions in socially acceptable manners as of late, so I think I may be allowed to take a brief break in this case. Since I have graduated more than a year ago and still this situation is arising, I feel I have well earned my right to respond.

Also, I am afraid that if this situation is happening to me it may be happening to others as well, and I wish to set their minds at rest from niggling doubts about their self-worth.

It has come to my attention of late that I have been branded with a Scarlet Letter. People will ask me what I am doing with my life as of late and I will answer that I am a freelance musician and writer. While this does raise some eyebrows (there also seems to be an annoying association of the term “freelance” with “unemployed,” particularly if you are a young freelancer) it is the second question they inevitably ask that I want to address.

"And you’re still living at home?” People, adults in particular, but also some peers, will ask this is a variety of ways. Some will mutter it under their breaths, avoiding my eyes as if to spare me shame. Others will ask it quite accusatorially with something close to a glare, as if wishing me to fall on my knees and beg repentance instead of answering “yes” so brazenly.

Initially, I started to wonder if I should not, perhaps, feel some of this embarrassment that people expected I should naturally feel. If so many people thought it of me, perhaps I was a lazy, timid, graduate unwilling to grow up and unable to support myself in the real world. It felt the moment someone realized I “still lived at home” I was branded with a great glowing “H” that announced to the world I was a loser.

The first hint I got that someone’s thinking was flawed in this situation (and it wasn’t mine) was when I realized I am not a loser. Actually, none of us are losers. God doesn’t create losers. And, as a rule, we should not treat other people like losers.

But I digress.

Then I discovered the second great secret that society is trying to hide from us: There is nothing wrong with living at home!

“No!” You gasp, “In truth?”

Using my situation as the example, let me just debunk a few of the myths that surround living at home after college. I warn you, some of these myths will sound quite ludicrous, yet, once one is conditioned and beaten down to believe them they seem to become much more probable.

Myth #1: The wearer of the Scarlet H wouldn’t be able to support herself.

Rebuttal: First of all, I do support myself. Who pays my credit card bill? Me. Who pays for my car and health insurance? Me. Who even occasionally buys groceries? Me. Furthermore, if I don’t have money for something I would like to have, I don’t buy it until I can afford it. The definition of support is “bear all or part of the weight of; hold up” and I think I have proved by the above that I “support” myself.

The second insinuation of this myth is that the wearer of the “H” stays at home because she wouldn’t be able to find a job. Currently I do not work at a business. I do, however, own one. When I wish to work at a 9-5 job, I have no doubt that I will get one. I have worked been employed before, have great references and a decent resume. Right now I am not interested in being that tied down, and have a burning desire to be a writer and a musician. I don’t want to suppress my dreams and rush into a job I don’t want and then twenty years later be thrown into a insane midlife crisis in which I dye my hair purple and join a motorcycle clan.

I may try one or both of these pursuits in the future, but it will not be related to feeling repressed.

Myth #2: The wearer of the Scarlet H is lazy.

Rebuttal: Typically, I am up early every morning (including weekends, which I also work) and am writing, practicing music, performing music, and marketing my music. Even when I’m not “working” I am involved in worthwhile pursuits, such as visiting friends, watching interesting and strange films, reading, and drinking eight glasses of water a day. You might also find me doing laundry, making dinner, or making a run to the library with my siblings. Living at home after college does not mean you are still considered child, in many ways, more is expected of you.

Myth #3: The wearer of the Scarlet H is afraid of independence and living on her own.

Rebuttal:The truth is, for a while I was afraid, but it wasn’t of independence. For a while I was afraid of people thinking badly of me for living at home. If I was to move out of my house now just because I am not living in what society considers an “independent” manner, when my business is based in Central PA, my band is made up of my siblings, and, frankly, I have an awesome family and love spending time with them, that would be the route of the coward.

I have no doubt that I would be able to survive ”on my own” somewhere. Besides living in Oxford and Steubenville “on my own” I have won the game “Oregon Trail” possibly three hundred times as a carpenter and have got my entire family to Oregon in “fair” health, which is no easy task.

People younger than me have been surviving “on their own”. Think of Brian in Hatchet. Think of the kid in “Home Alone.”

People older than me have lived at home. I am thinking of a certain carpenter from Galilee who didn’t start his public ministry till 33…

In conclusion, if you are living at home and like living at home (or even if it is simply where you feel like you have to be at for the time being) wear your Scarlet H with pride.

And the next time someone asks me “And you’re still living at home?” I have half a mind to respond, “Of course. Isn’t that what you call where you live as well?”